Better Late Than Never

Have no fear, I saved up a post to get you through the summer of no hilarious 8th grade stories!

A girl I coached in track gave me this card. Turns out I'm pretty good at faking it through track season...

This kid started referring to himself as the lone wolf at the end of the year. This was the title of his poetry book. 

Sometimes a little spell check goes a long way.

There is just so much to love about this poem one of the boys wrote about his ideal summer day.

That is obviously a horse galloping in the sunset.

 I think that's a monkey? I really couldn't tell you what that other creature is.

Thankfully they put a label next to the green dinosaur thing. It's a donkey. 

I just love that this card makes no sense to me.

The boy who wore the cardigan to school that accidentally matched my outfit wrote this in my yearbook. He's basically the last person I would ever predict that would utilize rap lyrics.

And last, our favorite zip up hoodie, bottle digging friend. Just to recap, he's the one who yelled "hey ya buttholes!" to the kids in the hall. He also NEVER puts spaces in his writing and he knows it drove me crazy. Hence, the note below. 

Happy summer!

12 Days, Not That I'm Counting...

While waiting for kids to be picked up after track practice, 2 kids were talking about how they talk to their friends about hanging out. One of them turned to me and said "do people in their 20s and 30s still hang out with people?" I told him we just sit at home and stare at the wall.

One of my students referenced the movie Raising Helen the other day. I commented that he seems to have a common theme amongst his favorite movies, which we have heard a lot about, including Newsies and Pearl Harbor. He clarified that "They aren't chick flicks. They're flicks WITH chicks."

The kids asked me about knowing The Hustle. I said I wasn't born in the 70s. One of the kids say "oh Miss G, you don't look a day over 42." Then he said "just kidding, you look exactly 25." So far off on either end...

During our track meet, we had one small "classic middle school track" moment. I was watching one of the sprint races and one of our kids, mid-race, ran straight out of his shoe and had to finish the race with one sock and one shoe. The best part was that one of the other coaches heard him when it happened and said he yelled out "DAMN IT, THAT'S THE SECOND TIME!" You think you'd learn to start lacing your shoes, but what do I know.

2 boys in my class are always messing around and then, when I get annoyed, love to say "oh, it's just a skit!". Today after class I was walking down the hall and one of them was chasing the other one. The one being bugged yelled out 'THIS IS NOT A SKIT!"

I teach a period of study skills to 6th graders. Today we started giving presentations to practice presentation skills. One student got up told us he was doing his presentation on the zoo. That sounded great until he just put up the zoo website and read every - single - page out loud. I mean, we're talking the admissions page, the directions page...every word. Finally after 10 minutes I told him he could probably wrap it up.

Another student gave a presentation on rock climbing. During the question and answer portion, we heard these gems: "Would a fear of heights be bad if you were rock climbing?" "What do you do when you get to the top?"

During her presentation, another student was trying to write that something was fourth, and instead wrote "4rth". Creative writing at it's finest.

A group of my 8th graders was presenting about the 80s. One student was wearing a shirt with Ronald Reagan on it, he's just into that kind of stuff. They performed a skit in which he, as Ronald Reagan, was shot by J, another student. Later, they were quizzing the class and the kid in the shirt said "who shot me?" and pointed to hit shirt. Another student yelled "J!"

The boys in my class that are really into lotion-ing up their elbows are still at it. One of them said he was going to take a picture and put it on facebook with the caption "#single".

One student walked into my class talking into his banana like a phone, then stood on the desk so he could get better reception. He did make me talk into it and yes, obviously I did.

Today I looked over during break and one of the boys was just shaking his butt around. I asked him what he was doing and he said "I'm practicing my twerking". You learn something new every day.

During one group presentation about a decade, the group had the class play musical chairs while they played music from their era. On the feedback sheet, one student wrote "unfair musical chairs rules". Bitter, party of one.

I received a note in my mailbox from a student, telling me what he worked on during study hall. At the bottom, he wrote "I HATE CATCHPHRASE JONES!" I had no clue what he was talking about, nor why he felt the need to tell me. Upon further research, I have found the following. You're welcome.

Fast Track to Crazy Town

The kids have started their presentations on the decades that they researched. We've had some real comedy gems.

Today a girl was really taking charge of the class during her presentation. She was telling people to listen and giving directions. I asked her if she wanted to be a teacher. She clasped her hands together and said "I like power".

Another student started singing, who knows why, and a girl said to him "Nobody wants the windows broken".

It was the birthday of a girl in class. One of the boys walked over to her, patted her on the back and handed her a jolly rancher that he mysteriously had in his pocket. Later, she was pointing for him to go somewhere and when he walked by her, he creepily pretended to kiss her hand. The best part was that she didn't even notice.

This same kid said something smart and I said he was a genius. His name starts with a D and another kid yelled out, "He's a Denius!"

He also correctly answered a question during a group Jeopardy, but when I pointed out it was because someone else gave him the answer, he got down on his knees, put his hands in the air and yelled "rain on me!"

A kid was playing Elvis in their group music video. Apparently he didn't actually watch any of Elvis' dance moves, because I don't recall ever seeing Elvis do booty popping...

In this same music video, one girl was getting super irritated with the girl she was swing dancing with. She had a hard time remembering that because I was recording, it was picking up every time she yelled at the other girl to "keep dancing!" I did manage to move the camera the time she fell down in the middle of their dance. It was amazing.

One of the Jeopardy questions a group asked was about JFK's vice president.  The best answer: "Sarah Palin". Thankfully my students have a pretty fabulous sense of humor.

All of a sudden, some of the boys in my class are really into the lotion on my desk. I was commenting on how the girls have never touched it, but the boys are really into smelling fresh. One boy was rubbing it on his elbows because they were dry and we were laughing about how girls aren't into men with ashy elbows. Another boy was putting lotion on his arms and said "the secret to a good relationship".

Little Gems

"Miss G, can I have a picture of you? I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas"

I was waiting for the class to be quiet when one kid screamed at another "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" I said that was rather aggressive and unnecessary and another kid piped up with "GENTLY shut your mouth". 

Zip up hoodie came in today with a mask he made out of duct tape and a string. It was kind of fabulous. He told me I could have my own pair for the low cost of "free ninety free". 
He also told me "The best kind of people aren't hoarders but like, people with a lot of junk in their yard". 

We had some rough times at our track meet today...
One girl was really worried about doing hurdles for the first time. She heard the starting gun, but didn't hear it go off again, indicating a false start. She kept running, as in, she ran over every hurdle to the finish line before I could get to her to stop... It was really painful to watch but I was proud of her for overcoming it and completing the rest of her events later. 

During one of the relays, I was at the 1st hand off zone. Two of our kids were there, waiting for their teammate. We saw the kids coming around the corner and I counted 3 of our jerseys...I thought I had missed a kid or something but then realized one of the girls looked suuuuper confused as she held out a baton for...nobody. She awkwardly held it and kept running. Later, I saw the missing member of their relay looking real confused and wandering around. Apparently she didn't get the memo that their race had started? Claaaassic middle school sporting event fiasco. 

M.I.A.

I'm back!

Between grad school, teaching, coaching and family, it's a little hard to keep track of the weird junk the kids do sometimes! Here's a little update on our happenings in 8th grade...

The kids are working on a project in which they have to research one decade in their groups.
Tales from the Research:

-One of the kids was looking up fashion from the 90s. I could hear him telling his group that he couldn't understand why the same lady kept popping up in all the pictures of hairstyles. When I looked at the picture I cleared that mystery up. Don't we all remember when everyone wanted the Jennifer Aniston?

-It is a general consensus that fashion from the 90s was pretty terrible.

-While kids from the 90s group have been looking up music from the decade, I've been having high school dance flashbacks. Also, they have all taken to singing "I Want it That Way". Nothing like a little BSB to get you through the day. Except if you hear it 10 times per day...that gets rough.

-I had to explain the difference between a VCR and a VHS.

-Some kids were practicing their dancing for their music video. 2 boys were holding hands and spinning in a circle (this may or may not have been my idea...). One of the boys had the happiest look on his face, just pure joy, when the other one let go of his hands and he flew across the room. Watching his face go from complete excitement to utter panic was maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen. I started laughing so hard I couldn't move and I was crying. I did make sure he was ok, I'm not a total monster. 

-Some of the kids were looking up slang and didn't know what "all that and a bag of chips" meant. Is that not cool anymore? Kidding!

Other Bits of Joy - 

-I teach one period of 6th grade study skills. There's a charming young man in this class who often has trouble saying things that are related to what the rest of us are discussing. The other day, the kids were presenting on the career they would like to have and some information they researched about it. One girl wanted to be a singer and then sang us part of a song she wrote. She also told us she wanted to be in a band. This young man raised his hand and said "I don't think you need to be in a band, I think you have a good voice and could do it by yourself". We were all shocked and the entire class started clapping for him. It was pretty sweet. Today the same kid asked me if I was married and I said no. He asked if I was going to get married and I said I didn't know that. He said "there might be someone out there waiting for you". You just never know when kids are going to say something super precious. 

-Speaking of precious, you should see kids attempting to do high jump at track. They don't give up and I'm proud of them, but MAN it's painful to watch them just straight dive in and take a hard pole to the armpit. Yesterday a girl at practice took the pole to the side after she dive bombed it and then stood up, and walked off yelling "I JUST NEED A MINUTE!" She recovered :) 

-Also, hurdles are somewhat challenging for the uncoordinated middle school child. Our first meet included a variety of hurdles to the shins and kids eating it on the track. 

-One kid on our team was running a sprint, slowed down when he passed the crowd so that he could wave to his adoring fans and then kept running. It was incredible. Although all of us that are coaching were screaming "KEEP RUNNING!!!"

-The amount of children that go gumby arms when they run is astonishing. You'd think it would feel weird to let your arms fly behind you like noodles, but apparently not. 


-When I was proctoring the MSP. I looked up to check on kids to find an 8th grader going straight for the old nostrils. Nothing like a good nose-pick to boost your test score.

-I looked at the digital clock on the wall yesterday, one of the kids had taped a sign over the numbers that said "ain't nobody got time for that".

-A kid at track sat on a bee and subsequently got stung in the booty. I have never seen someone react so dramatically to a bee sting. He told me it was a "bullfrog bee" and that he thought he was having an allergic reaction. I told him he looked fine and that probably his throat or something would swell up. He told me "well, my saliva feels dry". Don't worry, he was fine.

-I just noticed the other day that someone had taped a sign on the outside of my window that says "this class is photoshopped".

-A few days ago, my mouse stopped working randomly and I had to re-start my computer to get it going again. Today, it stopped working again and so I re-started it but the mouse still wasn't moving on the screen. When I turned the mouse over, you can imagine the joy (false) I felt when I saw that the reason it wasn't working was because some little darling had taped this picture

on the bottom. Later in the day, I went to use the presentation computer and found that the mouse wasn't working on that one either. Luckily, I was onto them and found the same lovely image taped to the back. I was rather irritated and vowed to find the culprit. I was on my way to a meeting during 6th period when I passed a group of kids, some of which are in my class. One of them was giggling uncontrollably when he saw me. I knew I had found the prankster. He asked me how my computer was doing. Caught ya. 

-My student with the love for hoodies came in the other day wearing a button up shirt with a tiny tree in the pocket. He said he got it at a wedding. I do have to admire his pioneering attitude when it comes to fashion. 

-When we were learning about Pearl Harbor, one of the boys was telling us about how he loves the movie. He then went on a weird rant about how he could NOT believe that the best friend would date his dead best friend's girlfriend and how he would NEVER DO THAT. His best friend is in the same class, so I said "well, at least you know he won't date your girlfriend if you die". His friend responded with "oh, I would." True friendship.  

My student who always writes something about himself on the board and signs my name came up with a new one today. Today, he was "magical".

We are reading To Kill a Mockingbird in class and are just in the middle of the trial. We were talking about how Tom Robinson only has use of one arm and I heard a kid say "Well, you can't really take someone's clothes off with one arm" and another kid said "I think it depends on the kind of clothes..." I told them we were NOT going down that road.

In the middle of the presentation from the high school counselor I had to tell not 1, but 2 students to stop playing with scissors. One of them was literally scraping his face with them. I didn't realize I'd have to take scissors away from 8th graders so often.

The counselor from the high school was talking about all of the graduation requirements and the tests you have to pass and how if you don't pass a class you have to go to summer school, etc. The looks on some of their faces were truly amazing. Of course, the kids who looked the most terrified are going to be totally fine and already have all A's and the ones who looked like they were staring into the sun should probably be freaking out since they never turn in any of their work. Hopefully they'll figure it out...

All That Jazz

 We've been studying the 20s, and it's been AWESOME. Today the kids used 20s slang to create their own sentences or conversations. Here's some of my favorites:
You're hip to the jive snappy doll!
And how, Daddy!

The nifty bull pinched a doll.

The sap thought he was putting on the ritz, but he was all wet.

I make some pretty good clams selling giggle water, you could say I'm an egg since I have a flivver and a jitney, and look at my get-up! Wait a second, you're a bull trying to pinch me off, you better use your gams to get out of here because I'm about to bump you off! Pow, pow! That was a bit of a kill joy wasn't it, eh old boy?

Jane, what's eating you, don't you have a Daddy? I can give you a whoopee and we can go to the arcade. but, I must warn you, I'm the bee's knee's in this get-up. I'm not good at beating my gums. I'm balled up and me and my dogs are getting out of here.

I promise, those make sense :)

We also learned about 20s fashion and made life-size paper dolls with 20s style. Here's some great ones:

The kids are pretty into putting their faces through the holes when they walk by them. It's fabulous. 

I asked the kids to write everything they thought they knew about the 20s into the letter I gave them. Clearly we needed to start from square one...

This group had a big fat nothing. I kind of felt bad because their letter looked sad so I tossed them a bone with "jazz age". I thought that would maybe get the ball rolling...not so much. 

I'm really into this one. They have drawn a picture of a pyramid, a square with some stars, a man with a barbell or a gun or something and an airplane. They have written "old people" "WWII" and "Beatles". Needless to say, we were starting with a clean slate on the history front here. 

In other news...

Today this table group was messing around while I was talking about something and I told one of the boys to knock it off. He came up to the front of the room, got down on one knee and handed me a starburst. They are somehow annoying and fantastic all at the same time. It was also the nicest way anyone has ever tried to give me a starburst. I declined, it was a yellow one. 

We were watching clips from 20s movies today and the kids were really confused about the words on the screen until I explained that it was the dialogue. They were rattled about why people didn't understand how to record sound. 

2 boys had this to say about ladies fashion in the 20s: "They all wear stupid hats. Big, stupid hats." "Their hair looks like Top Ramen"

He's kind of right about the Top Ramen...

A girl came in yesterday and kept whispering to me. It got really annoying (I DO have a limit to the amount of annoying things I can take in a day) and I finally asked her what was going on. She said she had "an allergic reaction to her perfume". This "allergic reaction" somehow only impacted her ability to speak in a normal voice. I finally told her to just stop talking. Oddly enough, she was totally fine in some of her other classes. It's amazing how children can heal themselves when it's convenient!

A boy came in the other day wearing shorts and holding his pants. I was kind of wondering why he was now holding the jeans he had been wearing and he told me he just couldn't make it the whole day in jeans. I have noticed he's a a pretty strict khaki policy. 

That same kid keeps playing this super annoying high pitched sound on his computer to see if I can hear it or not. I'll be doing something and think "what is that terrible noise?" and then realize it's him and yell his name. I keep looking over to see him just holding up the illuminati sign. I think it's one of those noises that old people can't hear, except that I'm NOT old, and I CAN hear it. 

Middle School - Livin' the Dream.