There's No Crying in Basketball

False. 

Me: "Hey M, call out for the ball!"
M: "NO!"
Me: "Ok....why not?"
M: "I don't want to!"
Me: "Well, how will your team know that you are open to pass to you?"
M: "I don't want them to!! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO PLAY! My dad is making me!"
Cue crying. 

Me: "M, I don't care what you do, get in front of your player on defense! Stay in front of her!"

Cue crashing into other player and the ground. 
Cue crying, limping, and general misery. 

Kids be Crazy.

No. Just, no. 

Sorry kids, but sometimes I don't want to hear it and I don't want to be a part of it. 

"Will you smell my hands?" No, no I will not. Not even if you tell me they smell like candy cane hand sanitizer. 

"Do you want to hear an interesting fact about seaweed?". Not really, since all of your facts take at least 5 minutes to explain. Another kid did want to hear it and I overheard him giving a weird monologue about how only some types of people in the world can digest seaweed. Don't worry, it had absolutely nothing to do with what we were doing in class. 

"Can I go to my locker? I'm having a lady issue." Needless to say, I did not need specifics. 


Online Discussion Board Lovelies.

The kids are participating in an activity in which they have created a character who is a child laborer during the industrial revolution or are factory owners. After their first day of "work" in the factory yesterday, I asked them to answer some questions on our online discussion board. 

This student is super into her boss, but not into spelling: "YOU ARE THE BOSS! take thet literaliy and fiogurtalie!"


 I was kind of impressed when I saw this symbol: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)    because I don't know how they made it. At least, I was impressed until I saw it more than once. 19 more times to be exact. And then I saw what this kid posted. He's clearly a real overachiever:
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This student is one of the factory owners. Here, he explains how he treats his employees: "Yes they need to make me laugh and act their age not their shoe size."

Sometimes, I'm really just speechless. Apparently this kid feels the same way: "yay fjoewfhbsdhefhweiufhsduhfhydsudihdwuhjrgfjhshedfkherjkfhweriu9d8fujweroifkghejrgwikfjgdoifjdwucfhfiu9gdajguiodshtrfpubhdsfudhfgihuesbnfi0xcoizfp-isdfioehtugfiijew[oifu[fgo9wir-tgu89wrhy-fgt879w7hyre-tpuwea5uhqg-p3ui4hyg5bqh45hq1-[58yhuq1-8e47tr-[58hyu="

Although, in his defense, he also posted this: "i am not getting paid enough to support myself i need at least 3 per car. the hours are brutal, there is at least 1 accident per day, the markers are still red with blood." 

I'm pretty into his mildly dramatic account of the day. 

Cheating: Not for the Faint of Heart

Dear 8th Graders, 
I hate to tell you this, but your writing does not sound like adult writing. So yes, when you copy and paste from the internet, I will find out. And I will bust you. And your parents will bust you. And it will stink. I'll fill you in on a little secret. The way that you googled the title of your book to copy and paste information for your book report is the same way that I found out that you didn't write a single word of your book report. And no, I don't really believe you when you say you "didn't realize you did it". Google and I are on to you. You've been warned. 
Sincerely,
Your Teacher

Kids These Days

Sometimes kids say things that make me plop my head on the desk.
Sometimes kids say things that make me blow my top.
Sometimes kids say things that make me cry with laughter.

And sometimes, every now and then, kids say things that really make the job worthwhile.

Today, one of my students asked me if I had taught middle school before. I said no. She said:
"You are just doing a really great job. I mean, you always get your point across. And people are ALWAYS interrupting you and you just get control and keep going. I just think you are doing so great."

Normally I would be suspicious, but this kid didn't even want anything from me. No extension, no new seat...nothing! She just said it out of the blue and it was the nicest thing.

So, when people say to me that middle school must be a nightmare and it sounds horrible and the kids must be awful, this is what I think about. The small moments, the laughter, the learning, the connections with kids. And you know, you kind of get used to the smell :)

8th Grade Presentation Re-Cap

In September, we assigned the kids a book project due at the end of the quarter. 
Today, I heard lots of great excuses for why projects weren't ready for presentations. 
"Could I have an extra day? I fell asleep when I was working on it last night"

I told everyone that the only valid excuse would be something like "My whole computer crashed last night and deleted every one of my files."
Right afterwards, a girl who didn't have her project raised her hand...
"My computer crashed last night and deleted all my files."
Suspicious? Yes. 

Great Presentation Moments of 2012:

"He was the son of a lighthouse keeper" (from across the room I hear this kid say to himself..."SON of a LIGHTHOUSE keeper!") 

"This book is by Carl Dicker" (met with giggles, naturally. The written name was actually Carl DEUKER)

Every time I called someone to present, this one kid would shout out "You gotta want it!". You can guess what I found written on the white board later. 

In the middle of presentations... "Can I go to the office? I think I'm about to puke". Now THAT excuse I don't play around with!

One kid presented and I realized he was wearing his shirt backwards. Even 8th graders can't dress themselves. 

The best presentation of the day - 
This kid gets up and starts showing his powerpoint slides. He tells us to imagine what it would be like if we were just diagnosed with a deadly disease. He shows us these dark slides with one question on each. "What would you do if you had a year to live?" "Who would you tell?"... It was deep. Then, a slide that says "a wise man once said" and the following slide:
Y.O.L.O.
And then launched into his actual presentation. It was amazing and hilarious. Future public speaker. 
________________________________________________________________________________

On a side note, my 6th graders were talking amongst themselves and I heard them come up with what should be on Obama's Presidential Rubric (they were also wondering if he had one after I told them that even grown ups have rubrics for things). They think he should have a rubric to check if he is:
Funny
Swaggy
Growing his hair like Justin Bieber. 
________________________________________________________________________________
Also, I learned about this guy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2_Chainz
from some 8th graders when EVERY 2nd period they would say "what period is this?" And then I would say 2 they would yell "2 CHAINZ!". It never got old. For them. 

The Return

The birds are back...

Nixon Bird


Lincoln Bird. Very historically accurate (note the gun peeking out from the curtain)

Disco Bird

The Scoop

It's been a smidge busy 'round here, so here's the highlights from the past few weeks...

Chaperoning the Dance, AKA: The Greatest Night in History

Things I was horrified by - 

*Kids dressed as prisoners. Sign of the future?

*Kids dating each other. They are children!

*Pelvic dance moves, lots of pelvic dance moves. I literally shouted at this kid "stop it with those move with your pelvis!" Just doing my job people. 

Things I LOVED - 

*My sister and I went together. Claaaaaassic dance scenario. Plus we had fab costumes. 

*The kid wearing the giant tv box as a costume and whacking into people every time he turned. 

*Spending the entire 2 hours dancing. That's a workout my friends.

*Being laughed at by middle schoolers for the whole 2 hours. I think they were laughing in more like a "wow, we're super impressed by your moves" kind of way. Right?

*Inspiring the formation of a dance circle around my sister and I. Yeah, we're pretty cool. 

*Seeing so many kids I know having a great time with their friends. 

*Watching all 200 kids lose their minds when Gangam Style came on. You are really missing out if you haven't seen 13 year olds do that dance move. 

Things I'm Still Confused About - 

*Seeing this post on the library page regarding the best moments of the dance: "My best moment at the dance would have to be when we were in the photo booth. Also seeing my L.A./S.S teacher dance old school style." What does that mean? Is the running man not cool anymore? If the running man is wrong, then I don't want to be right. 

*Kids do a LOT of jumping up and down when they dance. It's actually quite tiring. 

*None of the kids knew the song "Bust a Move". It was sad. 

Basically, it was awesome and I can't wait for the next one. And the return of the running man. I'll never let go. 

Tidbits O' Funny From My Classes

*Every time one of my student learns something interesting he yells "that just blew my mind!". The other day he said something and then yelled "I just blew my own mind!"

*On Halloween several students in one class asked me if I was going to go trick or treating. I finally just announced to the whole class that 30 was a little old to be trying to trick or treat and one of them passionately yelled out "YOU'RE NEVER TOO OLD TO TRICK OR TREAT!!!". While I appreciated his enthusiasm, I'm not trying to get doors slammed in my face. Another student told me I could pretend to be his mom and go with him. Wow, absolutely not. 

*I overheard this during my class of 6th graders: "Well, I'm practically a grown man" "No you're not, you're 12."

*"I'm going to call you G because your last name starts with G and you're basically gangsta."

*The phrase I utter 30 times per day? "Who is making that annoying sound?!"

It's crazy, but I love it :)